Why Graham Stedman is the smartest man on earth!!!!

So as many things in the wee hours of the morning, it has come to my attention that Graham Stedman is reasonably the smartest man on earth. He is the most well kept human pet anyone has ever had, atop the fact that he has not fucked it up. I've learned the secret to his success.

Step 1.

Standing Right Here:

Now a lot of people don't appreciate the beauty of not making a move, if you are really not that important, and the person who you are attached to is....then you really only have to move when they are in need of something. Also we must not forget the, "right here" principle. Not only is it important not to move, but that you be a glued fixture to this person. You support in your immobility until your mobility is required.

Step 2.

Shutting the Fuck Up:

A number of questions....what are Stedman's political stances on the current campaign? How does Stedman feel about the troops in Iraq? How does Stedman feel about same sex marriages? What the fuck is Stedman's favorite color? If you can answer any of these questions, you've spent way too much time on wikipedia. For everyone else, the answers are probably I don't know. Do you know why? Cause who the fuck cares what his opinions are, he's the equivalent of a pocketbook!!! He doesn't have to have opinions, just keep his mouth closed.

These are some very simple steps to success my friends!
Internalize and execute, there will be a bright future ahead.